Friday, July 15, 2005

Cliche

A cliche by any other name is a piece of shit.

Clown Indigo Outdigo

A clown smiles
because he clutches his feces
and smears it on his face in the dark.

A clown frowns
because he has to entertain
children all day at some pathetic party
where all the parents sit around getting drunk
and all the kids tug at his red ball nose and the
fuzzy balls down the front of his clown
pajamas.

Not a Good Thing Anywhere

There is nothing good in this world.

Especially . . .
Tom Cruise
potato chips
drive in movie theaters
mass murderers
insecticides
school teachers
samurai swords
anal beads

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Knights Templar

Everyone seems to think the
Knights Templar were so
totally awesome.

They were a bunch of punk
ass pussies,
who thought they were
cooler than they actually were,
a lot like poets of the academies.

Tough

I am one tough
motherfucker.

I eat the children
of ninjas
with bananas
for breakfast. (although I hate the taste of bananas)

And I broke John
Rambo over my knee
as though he were
a feeble little
toothpick.

So if you want to mess with me
be warned.

Friday, July 01, 2005

A Fable of Equality

A poet, a Nascar driver, a politician, and a schoolteacher
walk into a bar.
The poet acts snobby and starts mumbling
some bullshit about experience
and groaning about postmodern archetypes.
The Nascar driver smiles like a buffoon
and scratches his nuts.
The politician smiles and shakes hands and dances
around like some sort of doppelganger.
And the schoolteacher talks about how hard his job
is and how teachers have it so hard and he acts
depressed that nobody gives a single shit.

Then I swoop in from nowhere and pummel
them all with my robotic hammerfists
and my calloused alien-modified heart.

The Moral: No one is better than anyone else. All people are scum.

Follow-up

And your wife is an evil robot.

Ode to W

Boy, you sure do speak well.
You sound very intelligent,
if intelligent means "dumber than a pile of horseshit."
With all your "urs" and "ums" and "he-he-hes,"
you just sound like a stupid, pathetic redneck.
No wonder so many Americans like you.

Dprssng

America would be a depressing place
if I were a mortal, human being
like you.