Poem Written from the Perspective of a Girl Who Just Won't Say No

Boy,
that guy
is really cute.

Too
bad I
just saw him
picking his nose.

Well,
at least
he didn't
eat it.

Poem Written from the Perspective of a Close-minded Bigot

I will love
my neighbor,
but only if they look
and think
like me.

An Epic Battle

Listen Up, Idiots

America,
your guns
aren't going to
save you from
your heart attacks
and emphysema.

You can't shoot
a disease.

A Sunny Day on the Rapids

Upon Billy's Trip to the Strip Club

Billy,
the way you
slip bills into that
young lady's
tiny stringed
underpants probably
makes your
Mom
real
proud.

Billy,
you're a real
testament to how
far your species has
come.

A Poem Written from the Perspective of a Sad Old Man

I'm an old man.
The only thing
that makes me happy
is taking craps.

Take this morning,
for example.
I got up,
ate me some toast
and hit the can.
At the end, I sighed
and said, "Now that
was a crap!"

And my day has only
slid downhill since
then.

Spotlight on Ronald Polar

Mr. Polar recently published this poem on my stinking blog in response to "A Poem Written from the Perspective of a Cleanly Lady who Recently had Guests." It is worthy of front page status.

POEM WRITTEN FROM THE PERSPECKTIVE OF GUESTS RECENTLY VISITING A LADIES HOUSE

WEE THIS IS FUN, I FEEL GOOD

UH-O IM HAVING PROBLEMS

MY GUTS ARE GOING CRAZY

OH KNOW NOW MY THUMBS ALL STINKY

OOPS MY BALANCE

THIS WILL NOT BE VISIBLE ON A LIGHT BLUE WALL

ILL JUST LEAVE IT

AND HEAD FOR THE VEGETABLE PLATTER

A Poem Written from the Perspective of a Cleanly Lady who Recently had Guests

How dare you
leave a poopy
thumbsmear on my wall?
I just repainted that room
and despite the obvious
fact that you had a
difficult time wiping,
that is no excuse for
the printsmudgesmear
you left behind
as evidence.

We Are Hate-Filled HateMongers

A Doting Mother

The Love Boat

Good Luck

It is the year 2006,
and you humans can't make
a better toaster.

Good luck with that whole space thing.

Something's Missing

An Executive Decision

For Insane Collaborative Works of Art and Poetry

Go to
hell
where I do works of art
and poetry with
two other people
named Ronald Polar
and Quicksauce.

Stinky Green Reeches

Ladies and Gentlemen

Global warming
is real.

Old Mother
is preheating
her ovens to murder.

Read My Fucking Column

Sangamon Star #7
has hit the shelves
so you assholes better
go there straightaway
and read it.

This month's column
is truly pisspoor.

If You Are Looking For Me

Only look occasionally.
I have bigger fish to stab,
bigger eyes to hook.

Energy honed, focused on projects
most unknown.

This will be only a hollowed out place
I live from time to time.

If this makes you sad,
piss off.