Handbag

The world used to be such a
decent place, before all you
people came along.

And then you made your celebrities,
with their celebrity faces and babies
with names like Apple and Douche and
Sean Preston.

This place is going to hell in a
Gucci handbag.

A Poem Written from the Perspective of Little Baby Suri

Oh fuck,
look at this bullshit I was born into.
My dad is the hugest tool in the world.
I mean, seriously, what a pompous ass!
My childhood and teenage years are
really going to fuck me up,
not to mention all this weird Scientology bullshit.
My mom used to be pretty cool when she
was on Dawson's Creek, but look at her now,
a puppet to dear old dad's zany ways.
She probably deserves better.
And on top of it all, I'm ugly.

An Analogy of Sorts

Your breath smells like rotting cat carcass.
What have you been eating?
And why is there so much junk under your fingernails?
If I see you suck that stuff out from under them
one more time, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
When was the last time you took a shower?
You have no excuse.
Excuse me please, while I go vomit from the stench of your
body odor.
You smell like Jennifer Lopez acts: terrible.

Days Upon the Murkiness of Spirit

The worst kind
of day
is every
day.

A Subtle Lesson

On Louisa May Alcott

Damn,
what
a handsome
woman!

Ned, on His Fucking Job

I wish I didn't have to sit
at this desk all day
with a cramp in my hip
and gas in my guts.

I'm sick of this
fucking job.