If you look at me again,
I will remove your ribs
with my teeth
you pathetic bastard.
Your mother is a whore.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Monday, January 17, 2005
AStarStarHoles
Sometimes I wonder why kids act like assholes
and then I realize it's because they are the
byproduct of two parent assholes and that makes them
twice as likely to be assholes themselves.
and then I realize it's because they are the
byproduct of two parent assholes and that makes them
twice as likely to be assholes themselves.
Ode to a Ninja Robot
Do you have any idea how much work it takes to be a
gravity defying cannibalistic ninja robot from parts unknown?
I doubt it.
Because you're a pathetic mortal human being
who doesn't make soup from the bones of
fallen family members and who doesn't have a
cannon for a left arm.
So kiss my ass.
gravity defying cannibalistic ninja robot from parts unknown?
I doubt it.
Because you're a pathetic mortal human being
who doesn't make soup from the bones of
fallen family members and who doesn't have a
cannon for a left arm.
So kiss my ass.
Eat Yourself and Enjoy the Taste
Life is nothing
but a pathetic few years
trying to impress others and
keeping your weight at a decent level
so you can pick up lovers and being miserable
and bored and depressed and broke and drunk and
oh why am I explaining this to you dumb pieces of shit?
but a pathetic few years
trying to impress others and
keeping your weight at a decent level
so you can pick up lovers and being miserable
and bored and depressed and broke and drunk and
oh why am I explaining this to you dumb pieces of shit?
Friday, January 14, 2005
Let's Be Friends
The best part about you is how terribly ugly you are.
Don't sit there thinking, "He's not talking about me,"
because, yes, I AM talking about you. You're ugly.
Don't sit there thinking, "He's not talking about me,"
because, yes, I AM talking about you. You're ugly.
In All Seriousness
Over the holiday, my brother, Jason Hightower, sent me a letter telling me to give up my satanic ways and to "come back to the flock." He told me I live a life of sin and misery and that God would welcome me back and forgive me.
Here's my response:
Dear Jason-
Fuck off you asshole. There's a reason I stopped talking to you. Also, if God forgave me, he'd be stupid and gullible and naive and retarded. Like you.
Later prick,
Hilton
Here's my response:
Dear Jason-
Fuck off you asshole. There's a reason I stopped talking to you. Also, if God forgave me, he'd be stupid and gullible and naive and retarded. Like you.
Later prick,
Hilton
Happy New Year, Fuckers!
Christmas is a stupid public display of pathetic
empty values performed by inbred, rednecks.
I spent my Christmas drunk, and for the last
few weeks I've been drunk and passed out
in some brothel south of the border.
I couldn't stand all you piece of trash Americans
and your stocking stuffers and your egg nog and
your carols and your goddamn ugly pine trees.
Get a life and wake up. The only true holiday is the day you die.
empty values performed by inbred, rednecks.
I spent my Christmas drunk, and for the last
few weeks I've been drunk and passed out
in some brothel south of the border.
I couldn't stand all you piece of trash Americans
and your stocking stuffers and your egg nog and
your carols and your goddamn ugly pine trees.
Get a life and wake up. The only true holiday is the day you die.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Better
I can laugh at your problems
because I am better than you
and don't have any of your problems.
I'd love to fart right in your face.
because I am better than you
and don't have any of your problems.
I'd love to fart right in your face.
Hilton's Conversion
I can still remember when
my alien godfathers decided
to give me the gift of robotics
and replaced my brain with a robotic
thinking module.
That was the day I went from being a half-assed
dumbshit human to a full on ass-kicking robot.
It started on a cold December day, not much different than today,
and I was down in the creek bed, trying to pull that
goddamn cow loose from the freezing water.
That whore cow somehow got down in there
and couldn't get out.
This was still back when "doing a good deed" appealed to me
and I knew the other settlers needed that cow to make it through
the winter.
Now I'd let that fucking fat cow freeze and die.
I was one step from death myself out there in the freezing conditions,
waist-high in subzero temperatures, my body started to give out.
Three years later, I awoke onboard a ship on its way to Tau Ceti
and the system of planets revolving around it.
My brain had been fully replaced already,
and they were preparing to give me a new arm
for the other one had been mutilated by an alien version
of the sewer rat.
Much to my surprise, they gave me an arm with a goddamn
laser cannon extension.
Now if you fuck with me, I will annihilate everything you've
ever stood for.
My visit at Tau Ceti was eye-opening.
Those demonic robot aliens taught me the proper way to hate
life and every aspect of existence.
By the time I returned to Earth, I was a changed man.
my alien godfathers decided
to give me the gift of robotics
and replaced my brain with a robotic
thinking module.
That was the day I went from being a half-assed
dumbshit human to a full on ass-kicking robot.
It started on a cold December day, not much different than today,
and I was down in the creek bed, trying to pull that
goddamn cow loose from the freezing water.
That whore cow somehow got down in there
and couldn't get out.
This was still back when "doing a good deed" appealed to me
and I knew the other settlers needed that cow to make it through
the winter.
Now I'd let that fucking fat cow freeze and die.
I was one step from death myself out there in the freezing conditions,
waist-high in subzero temperatures, my body started to give out.
Three years later, I awoke onboard a ship on its way to Tau Ceti
and the system of planets revolving around it.
My brain had been fully replaced already,
and they were preparing to give me a new arm
for the other one had been mutilated by an alien version
of the sewer rat.
Much to my surprise, they gave me an arm with a goddamn
laser cannon extension.
Now if you fuck with me, I will annihilate everything you've
ever stood for.
My visit at Tau Ceti was eye-opening.
Those demonic robot aliens taught me the proper way to hate
life and every aspect of existence.
By the time I returned to Earth, I was a changed man.
Please, Evolution, Get Rid of Some of these Bastards!
Natural selection
doesn't work very
goddamn well.
doesn't work very
goddamn well.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Jack (Kerouac) Off
Hilton Hightower will always remember
Jack Kerouac as a giant poopstain in the toilet
bowl that people call life.
Jack Kerouac as a giant poopstain in the toilet
bowl that people call life.
The Dumbest and Most Insulting Thing You've Ever Done part 2
If you've ever written a poem to another person
when you were drunk,
go get a gun
and eat lead.
Poetry is even worse than normal when it is
written by a drunk asshole.
when you were drunk,
go get a gun
and eat lead.
Poetry is even worse than normal when it is
written by a drunk asshole.
The Dumbest and Most Insulting Thing You've Ever Done
If you've ever written a poem to another person,
call that person right now and apologize.
call that person right now and apologize.
A Poem Directed for the Narrow Region Right Between the Eyes of Poets
I hope you are offended easily.
Take a look at your pathetic life.
Does it make you happy to write about
thunderstorms and cats and love and sex
and war and relationships?
Does it make you feel good when you write some
really overused imagery like
smoke or fog or sand or bone?
You are a pathetic waste of life with not even a shred
of an original thought in your head.
Yes, you.
Don't feel like you're special or different.
You're not.
You're just as pathetic as anyone else who's ever thought
it would be a good idea to pick up a writing utensil and a piece of
parchment and write some dumbass treatise on your own thoughts.
Here's a worthwhile exercise:
try to figure out how much time you've wasted in your life
writing your pathetic excuse for art and how much time
you've wasted reading it.
If you've ever thought you needed to read it in front of other people
you might as well stop figuring and shoot yourself
because that makes you unbearably stupid.
Poetry readings are ego fests for people with a lack of intellect.
I'd like to blast all of you stupid, moronic
imbeciles with an electric guitar
right up side the head
and then savor the sound of the feedback.
I'd record it and name it "The Ballad of Me Kicking Some Lameass Poet's Ass!"
and I'd listen to it every day.
Kicking a "real" poet's ass is the only thing that might bring a smile to my pathetic, ugly face.
Take a look at your pathetic life.
Does it make you happy to write about
thunderstorms and cats and love and sex
and war and relationships?
Does it make you feel good when you write some
really overused imagery like
smoke or fog or sand or bone?
You are a pathetic waste of life with not even a shred
of an original thought in your head.
Yes, you.
Don't feel like you're special or different.
You're not.
You're just as pathetic as anyone else who's ever thought
it would be a good idea to pick up a writing utensil and a piece of
parchment and write some dumbass treatise on your own thoughts.
Here's a worthwhile exercise:
try to figure out how much time you've wasted in your life
writing your pathetic excuse for art and how much time
you've wasted reading it.
If you've ever thought you needed to read it in front of other people
you might as well stop figuring and shoot yourself
because that makes you unbearably stupid.
Poetry readings are ego fests for people with a lack of intellect.
I'd like to blast all of you stupid, moronic
imbeciles with an electric guitar
right up side the head
and then savor the sound of the feedback.
I'd record it and name it "The Ballad of Me Kicking Some Lameass Poet's Ass!"
and I'd listen to it every day.
Kicking a "real" poet's ass is the only thing that might bring a smile to my pathetic, ugly face.
Unlubricated Fisting (A Tale of Seasons and of Greetings)
For Christmas, I think the whole world
deserves a painful,
unlubricated
anal
fisting.
deserves a painful,
unlubricated
anal
fisting.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
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