Poems from the Book

Here are a few terrible poems from the book:

Kick

I swear to God.
Don't make me kick you in the balls.
Again.


Friendship

Don't take this personally.
You're not very smart.
At least not in a common sense way.


Poem with Personality

If this poem were you,
it would waste its time reading poems
about stupid, pathetic stuff.


Spotlight

Pop culture is the greatest invention ever.
It gives hollow, pathetic people
a place to feel good about themselves,
even if they have no talent
and secretly hate themselves
with their big smiles that flash
in the spotlight.


Dope

If anyone ever tells you
that poetry is better heard than read,
kick them in the balls.
That means they’ve bought into
the idea that poetry
should be a community event.
They're the kind of person
who sits in the third row
with their eyes closed
and with a stupid blank smile on their face
pretending to let the words flow over them
when really all they’re thinking about is how their wife is cheating on them, they're impotent,
they hate their job, they can't write,
and all they really want is a good nap.

That's stupid. Nothing in this pathetic world
is more boring than a lame dope in
a tweed suit, reading some garbage
about love in the trees.